Nobody enjoys having to break up with someone––but it can be even more difficult when you’ve already moved on both mentally and in action, and have a new significant other in your life.
If you’ve already started seeing someone new but haven’t mustered the courage yet to break it off with your current squeeze, it’s vital that you do so, including clarifying things for the new person in your life who will need reassuring that you’re not flip-flopping between lovers.
This article suggests some steps to help ease the transition. And the sooner you do it, the better because eventually it’s all going to get found out!
1. Evaluate your original relationship.
Consider why you started seeing someone else while you were still in a relationship.
Did you and your significant other simply grow apart or did something happen that made you stray?
It’s important to understand why you started dating another person in order to make the break up as painless as possible.
Make a list of at least three reasons why you may have mentally left your original relationship and started dating another person.
How compelling are the reasons? Are they enough to stay with the new person or do you feel that this has been a big mistake? You need to know this now before you’re a pond full of regrets.
2. Ponder your current relationship.
Perform the same mental analysis with your new steady as you did with your original mate.
Why did you start dating this person and what attracted you to the relationship?
Most importantly, does the new person know that you’re currently dating someone else?
If your new boyfriend or girlfriend is in the dark, this may cause problems later down the road, especially if you become serious and yet you’ve not acted as if you have treated the relationship seriously.
As with your original mate, list three or more reasons why you have entered into this new relationship and how it will differ from the previous relationship.
Are these reasons compelling enough to want your new date to completely take the place of your current lover?
Again, ensure that there is no ambiguity in your reasoning.
3. Check your calendar for the best time to meet with your original boyfriend or girlfriend.
Timing is everything. Avoid major life events such as holidays, birthdays or anniversaries––especially if the anniversary marks a sad occasion such as the death of a loved one.
Select a totally random day- one that should have no meaning to you or your current mate.
However, don’t use an inability to select “the right day” as an excuse not to get this over and done with. The sooner that you deal with breaking up, the better for both of you.
4. Choose a location for the breakup.
Always break up in person–never on the phone, by mail or text. You owe the other person a face-to-face meeting.
However, if you believe the break-up could be filled with intense drama, choose a public place, but avoid crowded, intimate restaurants.
If your significant other decides to explode, he or she may not be concerned with the surroundings and have a very public reaction.
Additionally, consider a place where you can make a quick getaway.
Waiting to pay for the check at a restaurant can be very awkward, so head to a destination that will provide you with mobility.
Some suggestions for places include:
-A spacious outdoor park (away from kids and playground equipment)
-A shopping mall
-The gym
-A bar or fast food joint
-The beach
Places to avoid:
-An intimate restaurant
-Your favorite place to go as a couple
-The movies
-Your or his/her home––however, some people feel more comfortable breaking up with someone from their own home if they’re the only one living there, so this depends on the context
-While on vacation
-A play or concert.
5. Let your new boyfriend/girlfriend know you plan to break up with your original mate.
If you haven’t already told your new steady that you had someone else, now is a good time.
If you want to have a strong, honest relationship with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s imperative you alert your new honey to the situation.
Along the same lines as breaking up with your other mate, choose a random day and place to tell your new boyfriend/girlfriend about the other person.
-Begin the conversation by reinforcing your feelings for him/her.
-Explain how your life has changed since you met him/her.
-Discuss your plans for the future with the new person.
-Gently tell him or her that you have current boyfriend/girlfriend, but that you will be breaking up on a certain date and why you plan to break up.
-Reassure your new boyfriend/girlfriend that the break-up will truly result in the end of that relationship.
Part 2 ( 6-10) to be continued…
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